it’s (not) okay [poem]

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I hate the words I’m sorry
hate the instinct to reply it’s okay even when it’s not
this learned behavior
an impossible habit to break

I bumped into you because I’m in a hurry
and I wasn’t looking where I was going
I’m sorry
it’s okay
I took the last cookie
even though you said you wanted it
because you snooze you lose this time
I’m sorry
it’s okay
I heard they passed over you at work again
I would’ve bet on them choosing you over that new guy this time
I’m sorry
it’s okay
I just found out about your grandpa yesterday
they told me you were out for his funeral last weekend
I’m sorry
it’s okay
I can’t do this anymore
you’re too needy and I’d like to say it’s not you
but it kind of is
I’m sorry
it’s okay
I just don’t love you anymore
I’m moving in with my brother down south
so I guess you can keep the apartment
I’m sorry
it’s okay

but it’s not really okay
I’m not okay
it’s so hard to vocalize it though
to push through the clog in my throat and make you listen
I can’t accept your half-assed platitudes
your insincere apologies
your bullshit
I’m sorry
is that okay?

-poem by Larissa Lee
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