Wish Me Luck?

The weekend is here, and that means Monday is approaching. I’m going back down to the dermatologist that afternoon for results on my skin biopsy, and then we’ll see what happens.

It’s been a few months for me. I looked back in my blog, surprised to remember that it was early October when my life caught fire and turned to ashes. There was the implosion of my four-year relationship, then my health dissolving into blood tests, medications, and a biopsy.

I feel unnaturally calm, at the center of it all.

I’m considering a request for anti-depressants when I see my doctor again. There’s a pill that’s low-level and used to treat some skin conditions as well as depression. And looky here, I have both! (Yay, morose humor!)

I’ve realized I do have a few natural treatments (at least ones that work on me) for my new insomnia, the itching, and the deeply-buried stress.

Reading. Books, fanfiction, or poetry – as long as it’s not the news, reading has the general ability to help me escape. Actually, reading the sad and angsty parts of stuff like the gammafrost fanfic I just finished causes me to release negativity by crying or screaming (mostly mentally) with the characters. Books do the same, though they usually have a happy ending to boot. Overall, reading is a good release valve when I don’t feel the urge to write poetry, blog posts, or fiction of my own.

Chamomile. This one is a big DUH for me. My problem with sleep right now is both falling asleep and staying asleep. Chamomile tea is a natural relaxant, and I hadn’t even thought about taking it! I tried a big mug of tea last night before bed, and it seemed to work; I still took a while to fall asleep, but I stayed asleep until my morning alarms. Chamomile also treats anxiety, which I may be burying down in the pit of depression I’m ignoring. Who knows?

Saying it out loud. This one is hard, for me. I don’t like crying or breaking down (or screaming, or growling) around people who aren’t the cause of my emotional reactions. That said, stating some of my stuff out loud causes me to release negativity via expression. Air is a powerful force, and sound is part of Air; speaking your problems out loud, even to yourself, is releasing them to dissolve into the atmosphere and be recycled into something new. And it can lead to crying, which is good for you (even if it feels bad), because it releases endorphines in the brain. I’m working on voicing my issues and finding ways to let myself feel the anguist, angst, and anger (the 3 A’s?).

I’m a little scared. Most of the easy answers in my life are gone, and I don’t just mean the explanation of my skin’s behavior. One step at a time, though. We’ll see what happens Monday, and go from there.

Wish me luck?

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