Lesson from the Universe (Round 3?)

Lesson from the Universe: When a situation no longer serves a purpose for you, use your Will and move on to greener pastures.

I think I might be facing a third round of the same lesson, and it makes me frustrated just as much as it makes me shake my head (at myself and my own stubbornness, that is).

Round 1: When I was in high school, my longterm relationship was ended without any warning or explanation. Instead of accepting the situation and moving on, I clung to the idea of loving him. I ended up losing my virginity to him months after our breakup, and then we devolved into a sexually abusive relationship for six months. It was rough. I only got out after my family got stationed elsewhere; I tried to leave him several times, but I didn’t have the Will to do so.

Round 2: When I was in my coven last time, there were issues. They’re ancient history now, but at the time I made excuse after excuse as to why I was better off staying than leaving. It really came down to my personal inability to use my Will and walk away; I spent months considering the possibility before successfully making the change I needed to see. [Note: I’m back in the coven, but the people and situation have both changed drastically; the issues I needed to walk away from no longer exist.]

Round 3: Right now, I’m in a job that I enjoy. I’ve moved around the same department for almost four years now, taking new positions as they opened in our area. I’ve ignored other options, because I’m comfortable. Often, this is an excuse I use for staying put in a situation. However, I’m finding my work environment is starting to get uncomfortable. Between constant interaction with strangers (something I’d gotten more comfortable avoiding) and growing animosity from a coworker, I’m not longer in a good place. A large part of me wants to stay put in our department; “better the devil you know” is another reason I use as a crutch to avoid change.

If I use my Will, though, there’s a position I qualify for in a field (IT-related) that I’ve always been intrigued by. I could stop working directly with strangers and do formating and editing on an online system; that’s always been a fantasy job for me! The only thing that could make it perfect would be a work-from-home option, which (unfortunately) isn’t a possibility. Still, if I’m willing to get off my ass and take a chance on change, I could apply for this position and move on.

I’m in a crunch, though. I have to decide in the next couple of weeks whether or not this is a good idea for myself. I don’t have time to mull it over. The position closes at the end of July (“or until filled”), and my probationary period ends two weeks later. If the position’s still open at that point, my chances are high; after all, if no one with better skills has applied and accepted the job, that means I’m not competing with veteran tech people.

[Note: If I don’t want to do this, time is irrelevant; I just don’t, and the lesson is skipped again for future repetition.]

I’ve been working on my Will this year so far. Fire is an element I’ve never been comfortable with, because forcefulness just feels aggressive. I’ve always been a passive, quiet, calm person… but something’s changed. I want what I want, I need what I need, and I’m willing to take the action to get it.

Scary.

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