My dad always told me that I should become a doctor, a lawyer, or maybe an accountant. After all, I’m too smart to do anything that doesn’t make good money.
I, on the other hand, have always believed that you should follow your passions first. Money doesn’t buy happiness, just food and shelter.
The problem is figuring out your passions. There are only three things I’ve ever loved enough to study with any specificity: spoken word poetry, modern paganism, and Greek mythology. None of them is a money-maker, so why bother to get a college degree?
I’ve thought about it long and hard, especially when I meet someone who’s passionate about something; I feel the heat of the fire of their excitement, and it’s awe-inspiring. I feel empty when that happens, like my fire’s gone out.
I know it hasn’t. It’s just hard to justify the desire to be a priestess to someone who wants to be a marine biologist, or a nurse, or an engineer. Those careers are real; they serve a purpose.
That’s my dad speaking. He’s loud.
I get it, too. Logically, he wanted his baby girl to be well-provided for, with or without a man in her life. And logically, the idea of me pursuing a well-paid position is in my best interests, as it ensures my well-being and gives me security (and more financial wiggle room).
At the heart of the issue is this: how do I move past internal doubts and love the path I’m walking?
I’ve found the easiest way to quiet that Spock-like inner voice is to flip logic on its head. Forget how well I learn math, or how quickly I catch onto new concepts and tasks. It doesn’t matter if my hands are as steady as a surgeon’s, or I know how to arguing technicalities like a lawyer. None of those things lights my fire. Not a single one.
I’m a poet and storyteller, because my words bring joy and comfort and entertainment to those I care enough to share with. I study to become a priestess, because my spirit wants to help others soar as high as I have thanks to all the freedom I’ve found on my path. I study Greek mythology, because you’d never guess how useful a good allegory can be in guiding people home from their sad wanderings.
I’m trying to be that goddamned light I want to see in the world!