Change

She changes everything she touches, and everything she touches changes.

Without change, there is no growth. Unmoved, water will stagnate and nothing will live in it.

Riding the winds of change is much more fun when you can see around the bend. I’m glad to find that the skies are clear and the breeze is fresh, but sometimes the change that the universe bestows oh-so kindly on me is friggin’ nuts!

I’m trying to wrap my head around my life right now. So many pieces have shifted, and a few random ones have found their ways into the puzzle.

I have a new job, which I’m apparently okay at. My mistakes haven’t gotten me killed, and my success at being efficient has been applauded. There’s minimal drama, and my biggest problem is running out of work to do (oh no!). I miss my friends from Hastings, but now I can legally hang with any and all of them. So there’s a lot to take in. The stress I’ve lived with and grown accustomed to in the past year has been cut away and is leaving me weary but relieved.

I have a new appreciation of people I might’ve only considered acquaintances before. I care about people who I could’ve lived without just a month or two ago. Someone I hadn’t particularly gotten along with has been fired, and I’m upset for her. I’m sad that a couple of people I barely knew quit. The people I’m barely getting to know at CTC are also becoming important to me. I may not remember their kids names, or who’s married and who’s not… but I care about how they’re doing anyway. No ice queen here.

I have a new understanding of my love for JD. It’s been deepened and renewed by recent changes in my personal life. While it’s not the same as it was three years ago when we came together, it’s still a beautiful light in a world of darkness. (Corny? Yes. We love that.) He completes me, while allowing me space to explore and grow. And I try to do the same for him, because my love knows no bounds.

I have a change in myself that’s been terrifying and blindsiding. But given some time, I’ve found that I can handle learning new things about myself. I feel lighter of heart knowing that those I care about can also adjust to my freakishness. I think I had the greatest challenge in accepting myself and my feelings. It’s hard to realize that you don’t even know yourself. It’s humbling, actually.

My sexuality is beautiful and wild and ever-changing. I find myself free and sensual in my dance, full of joy and laughter in my step. I’ve come to accept my body as is, and to rejoice in the person I am, not who I wish I could be. That lesson’s finally hit home and stuck, and I can actually appreciate the same things in myself that I’ve always reserved for others.

I’ve been challenge by Change, the spirit of ever-moving life. And I’d like to think I’ve done okay.

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